Studying my heart out

But it just gets really lonely 'cause it's three in the morning and I'm still awake which is completely my fault. It's also my fault that I don't give enough effort to get rid of my feelings for you. And I'm just really, really lonely right now and I hate myself for feeling this way and I thought my feelings have waned and maybe they have but it still sucks that I care because I know I shouldn't and all this is pointless and I'm starting to sound disgusting and I still don't know anything about Chem and I just hate my life right now. And I'm probably making a big deal out of this but I'm just scared that my feelings will intensify then I'll ruin everything just like what I always do. And this post has too many and's and I can't concentrate anymore 'cause I started thinking about this again which I shouldn't do and I started feeling again which is even worse.