Oh my god, how ridiculous were we.

It's the last day of the year and I seriously couldn't care any less. I really don't have anything interesting to say but I'm too bored to do anything else. I'm too lazy to make cohesive and well-developed paragraphs so I'm just gonna make a list.

1. I can honestly say that I'm back to being asexual. Or well, being in the state of not liking anyone at the moment. Things are better this way and it never really would've worked out. I'm just glad we're still friends. :)

2. I talked to Person last night. Actually, she talked to me. She said she wants to be friends with me again and  I guess I'm just happy that she isn't mad at me anymore. I just wish I wasn't so awkward. But at least we're okay.

3. I do not want to spend  New Year's Eve at my uncle's house with all my cousins. My mom won't allow me to take my laptop with me and even if she did allow me, it would be useless 'cause there'd be no internet connection. I want to spend New Year's Eve at home. In my room. Alone.

4. I have a feeling that I should start doing that writing assignment for Hum. But I don't want to so I won't.

5. A Rocket to the Moon never gets old.

You were the best I never had.

I should probably start doing the integration essay I'm supposed to pass for Hum because I have nothing better to do on Christmas Eve. God. This is ten times more pathetic than the year I tried finishing Noli Me Tangere. Oh well. This song's really good.

Because I have long accepted that genetics won't be enough to give me a good grade in Biology 22,

I promise to finish the second module before the Christmas break ends. UGH. PLEASE BE INTERESTING BODY SYSTEMS.

Stuck in reverse.

I still hate this song 'cause I don't like its sound but I think it has really good lyrics. The ugliest song of all time is still Rolling in the Deep. 'Cause it's so ugly. I couldn't even finish the video 'cause I hate the song so much. And I used to hate Adele because Rolling in the Deep is her first song that I've heard and when I heard it I was like 'what kind of fucking song is this it's so uglyy'. But I guess Adele's okay. I just really hate Rolling in the Deep. I don't even know why. Maybe I have bad taste in music. All I know is I FUCKING HATE THAT SONG.

I just finished reading The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz. I was expecting more 'cause the back of the book said it was about this loser boy who doesn't have a life, and most of my favorite novels are variations of this theme. Instead, Oscar's mother and grandfather's life stories were a huge chunk of the book. And I don't even care about them. Oscar's story was what I wanted to read. I'm also not very fond of Diaz's writing style because I didn't feel anything. I could sympathize with Oscar but I don't know why I wasn't very moved when he died. I guess the book was interesting enough for me to finish it. It was an easy read. But yeah. Junot Diaz should have talked about Oscar more instead of his relatives.

And my uneventful life is more uneventful than ever. Every once in a while, I just find myself crushing on everyone (I don't get crushes on people who read this blog so you shouldn't worry because I'm still safe). And I don't think this is a very good thing because I become emotionally unstable for no reason and I just become depressed. Seriously. I have to become asexual again. Crushing on close and taken friends is worse than crushing on close friends. Ugh. Shit. I will snap out of this soon enough.

Happy Birthday Taylor Swift!

Yes, I'm a fan. Whatever. Go judge me. I don't give a shit.


Anyway, I was supposed to put Enchanted on repeat tonight because it's Taylor Swift's birthday but I decided not to because that's what I've been doing since, I dunno... forever? I am so in love with that song, I don't know why. Hahaha. So anyway, while I was watching random videos on Youtube, I suddenly remembered that A Rocket to the Moon used to be my favorite band. Back in second year I'd wait two hours for each song to finish downloading because my internet connection was so fucked up back then. I know they have really cheesy lyrics and they suck live but I don't care. I like electronic sounding shit.

Incidentally, classes are over. WOO CHRISTMAS BREAK.

My pathetic life yearns for meaning.

So if your life flashed before you, what would you wish you would've done?


Every day is such a drag. I'm so tired of being stuck in this rut. College feels so much like high school except everything is ten times more boring. I don't know why I chose to trap myself in a course which requires me to study seven more years. Everyone I knew back in high school is having the time of their lives in college while I'm wide awake at 1 in the morning because I have to study for this Biology test and do this critique on some 9 page reading for SocSci. And because my life is so worthless, I'm trying to put off studying which I know I will regret later.

Whatever

And sometimes I wonder

If I could really be better than the person I am today

If I'm capable of reaching the potential I try to convince myself I have

If I could finally make up for all the mistakes I've made

and for once just sit completely still without feeling even a hint of guilt or regret

...

Ugh. There is a shitload of homework that's waiting to be done on my table. And I definitely don't want to regret not doing this.

Dear readers of this blog,

I won't disclose the identities of the people mentioned here.

Just saying.